somebody snuck up and got me drunk
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
