Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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