i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
