she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
