I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
