Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
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Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
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My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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