this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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