I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
