She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
