he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
