We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
