"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
