I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize