do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I don't deserve a penis
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
