you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
