i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
