The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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