piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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