worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
