I looked at my own cervix.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
