He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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