I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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