i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
