Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
