Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
