How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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