I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
