Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
