When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
