the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
