he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
