Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
