College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
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I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
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High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You've changed since you got that strap on
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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