so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
