I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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