why didn't you poke me back
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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