i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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