I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
