why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
