i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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