My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I supernannyed him into submission
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
