pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Acid is not a monday night drug
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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