So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
