whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I am spending my child support on dildos
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
