I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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