Well apparently he's into motor boating.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
