I'm so fucking centered right now
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
