My liver just broke up with me...
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
