She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
