saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
