Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
