So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
