I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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