A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
