Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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