I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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