woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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