this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just forgot I was standing up.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
