you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
