Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
