I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
