I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
