bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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