unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i dont even know how to be here
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
