You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
