Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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