Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
