ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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