batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
