I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
