Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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