think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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