my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
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