I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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