I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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